Feels like chaos

I have sorta been MIA in the blogosphere for awhile now.  Much has been going on in my life, but the time wasn't right to lay it out there.  I sit here this morning with so many thoughts going through my mind.  I will apologize in advance, to the few readers I do have, for this will probably be all over the place.   With that in mind, here it goes...

I am no longer SINGLE!  Can you believe it?!  Yea, I can hardly believe it myself.  It still seems surreal at times.   What an amazing man God has put in our life.  Through him, God has revealed to me areas of my life that need attention. 


I have come to the realization that I am a greedy person.  I have known I had a problem for quite some time.  However, it wasn't until sitting in church yesterday that I finally put two and two together.  Ask anyone that has ever been in my home, and more than likely they will tell you I have too much stuff.  My house is in a state of constant clutter, because I do not have room for everything I have.  As a matter of fact, yesterday morning as I was trying to get ready for church, I had a mini-melt down.  Why?  Because there were so many clothes piled that I could not find the one particular shirt I wanted to wear.  But the over abundance of stuff doesn't end with clothes.  It's dishes, it's blankets, it's hair products, it's cleaning supplies.  You name it.  I probably have way more than plenty.  Why???  I really wish I knew.  So, this week I am going to begin the process, and it will be a loooong process, of purging.

For the past couple of months I have been torn up over a relationship that seriously needs attention.  I have hurt people and have been too prideful to admit I was in the wrong.  I took a step this morning, in hopes of rectifying the situation. 

I talk a lot of talk, but rarely walk the walk.  I am a smoker-cigarettes that is.  A disgusting habit that I have dealt with for the past 18 years of my life.  Wow!  18 years.   Several months ago I really started struggling with this issue.  I felt conviction about smoking.  I did nothing about it.  I told several people, hoping that if I "outed" myself, they would guilt me into quitting and hold me accountable for my actions.  The majority did not-those who did, well I got mad at.  Now that I am dating this wonderful man God has sent me :)...the issue has came up again.  He cannot stand smoking.  He wants me to quit-not for him, but for myself.  I have told him I will.  This has been going on for almost two months now.  Currently, he is at the point of "put up or shut up".  I don't blame him.   I would be too.  I am constantly making excuses of why it isn't the right time to quit. 

All these things require sacrifice...

Sacrifice of my time
Sacrificing my comfort
Sacrifice of my pride
Sacrificing my possessions
Sacrificing my way

These are sacrifices I must make for the greater good.  These are sacrificing I am willing to make.  I want to live a life that is pleasing to God.  It is time for me to start anew. 


When the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.